Winkler Makes Bond

Today I looked up at The Magic News Screen and was very excited. The headline was "Winkler Makes Bond." How cool is that? Fonzie is going to play 007!

Picture it: A leather-jacketed man walks across that eyeball thing, turns to the camera and shoots. Then a long, drawn out motorcycle chase. A beautiful woman takes off her motorcycle helmet (which prior to it's removal was the least revealing part of her ensemble). Her name is... I don't know, something with a naughty subtext. You can imagine something far more salacious than I can. Then we see him, thumbs in the air: "The name is Bond. James Bond. Aaaaayyyyy-gent 007."

Cut to an interpretive dance number by a group of obviously naked women that manage to get into a PG-13 film, doing strange artsy movements to a song by Jessica Simpson.

I'm guessing Ron Howard is directing.

This Perfect Blog

As you'll know when I retroactively post the expanded introduction to this blog, one night, while watching CNN's Paula Zahn Now, I muted my television to answer the phone. It was a wrong number. As I returned to hear what the talented and beautiful Ms. Zahn was saying, I realized, much to my horror, that the remote control to my television had abandoned me to go live with the three left socks that are "taking a break" from the three "extra" right socks I now own. To make a long story slightly less long, I now have no control over my television. It is permanently stuck on CNN without any sound. I'm fairly good at following the news on the ticker, but sometimes I get curious about the stories they run on the upper ninety percent of my screen. You know, the part with the big heads moving their mouths, the fast moving graphics and the clock.

Anyway, I should probably open this blog up for business. I'll do it like a Viking (or some sort of olde type):

Here There Be Commentary On The News.

That's our motto. Here There Be Commentary On The News. I know the grammar is wrong. It's usually that way on the ticker, too.